While I was super excited in the days leading up to the wedding and the wedding day itself, the night before the wedding my commonsense took a vacation.  Yes, you know it has happened to you before.   You know, when you’re too excited to function?   The night before the wedding is much funnier in hindsight than it was the day of.  This is what it looked like for me…   I had just a few small last minute details to take care of.  I mean I had been planning for over a year, so in comparison, these last few things didn’t seem to be such a big deal.   Being the planner that I am, I left the simple task of putting pictures in frames until after the rehearsal dinner.  This was a small detail that caused a near breakdown after my rehearsal dinner in the living room of my mothers house.  Literally EVERYTHING else was done, well except for me having my bag packed but I always leave that to the last minute…  My mom’s living room was full of organized boxes full of wedding decor to be picked up in the AM.  I had spent weeks making matching sets of frames to put on all of the tables.  My sister and a couple of my wonderful bridesmaids stuck around after to help put these together.  We were quite the team.  When it came down to the last 2 frames, I discovered we couldn’t find the matches.  There were no words to describe the panic I felt at that moment at 11 PM the night before my wedding.  How could we be missing 2 frames?!  Where could they be?!  Surely I couldn’t leave a table without frames! My mom tried to console me and my friends helped search my house, but no luck.  It probably didn’t help that my room was in shambles from the process of moving out.   Halfway through my breakdown, when we started to figure we would have to scrounge up some frames from the house, Kevin showed up to drop something off.   He of course was concerned by my state of panic, being the good fiance he was.  And, in true Kevin fashion, as cool as a cucumber, Kevin asked if we had bothered to count the frames.  Pshhh, that’s a stupid response I thought, clearly we were missing 2.  While I continued to be a pain, Kevin started counting and discovered we had JUST the right number.  None in fact were missing.  At that moment, I got very quiet and a lightbulb went off…. I had conveniently forgotten that of all the sets of frames that I made,  all had an identical match, except for ONE set, yes just ONE, that did not match but rather complimented each other.   Needless to say, we finished our last task, laughed about it and eventually got a few hours of sleep.  The wedding was everything I had imagined it would be and more.  And,  now that my brain is functioning normally, had we been missing those frames, I think things would have still been ok

Of all the things we have been through together, this story is a perfect illustration of the relationship between Kevin and me.    I am a planner, I am fast paced,  I am go getter, and I am a panicker when said plans do not go as planned.  Kevin is much slower paced and laid back.  We balance each other.  Even at times when I don’t want to be balanced.  2 years, a move and a little dog later here we are, still standing! I’m excited to see what this next year holds for us, but not too excited, you know, I want to make sure I still have some commonsense

You Make it Real

By James Morrison

“There’s so much craziness surrounding me,
There’s so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,
You make it real for me

When I’m not sure of my priorities,
When I’ve lost sight of where I’m meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I’m full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can’t find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me

I guess there’s so much more I have to learn,
But if you’re here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,
You make it real for me“

 I love you, Kevin!

This was the most <appropriate> picture I could find for Pat.  If you google him, you might notice that the majority of his photos involve him without his shirt on, making an angry face over a call or flipping the camera off.  Now, Dermot on the other hand you might recognize from one of my favorite movies The Wedding Date or perhaps a more classic movie, My Best Friends Wedding.  Just go with it.

This happens to be one of the look-a-likes that my husband thinks I am most crazy about.  This may be because I usually present it by saying something like, “Buster looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite!” I should really work on my delivery on this one because I still think he does.

Don’t judge me, but at one time in my life I used to watch the cartoon “King of the Hill.” I have since moved on to better things, promise.  No disrespect to Cain with this one. I really think it’s the nose and the hair color.  Ok, and maybe the chin too.

This next one may a bit too soon.  I’m still little upset over the decision to move Travis Ishikawa down to the Giants triple-a team, the Fresno Grizzlies.  Boo.

 He reminds me a lot of Keanu Reeves.  But, he also reminds me of a brown eyed Justin-Bobby.  You know, Audrina’s less than honorable ex-boyfriend on The Hills.  See, I told you,  I have moved on the better things.  KIDDING. Kind of.  Anyway, you be the judge on this one.

I don’t think I need to say much for this next one.  Except, can I get a “Have mercy” up in here?

I saved the best for last.  This one is my FAVORITE.

Meet Luiz, the Brazilian cab driver in SF that looks EXACTLY like Timmy.  It’s actually quite creepy.  What’s even creepier are his youtube videos to Timmy. Recently, my husband, brother in law and I spent way too much time trying to figure out if that was really a look-a-like in the videos, or the man himself playing a strange joke.

Conclusion: Luiz is the real <look-a-like> deal. Besides, Timmy doesn’t have time to make videos like that. We on the other hand, clearly have too much time on our hands.

Speaking of extra time, you know those Giants commercials they have been running this season?  They are quite genius.  However, has anyone noticed that a good majority of the players featured in these commercials also happen to be players who have been on, or ended up on the disabled list this season? Weird.  And also, kind of creepy.

I know, I analyze things way too much.  I’m a social worker, it’s what I do. But, just think about it.  I might just have a reasonable theory here people.

And while you are thinking about it, who are some of your Giants look-a-likes?

Here are some of our photos… also a great reminder that it is time for a new camera. Please excuse the blur and unnatural colors.

Seeing as my own photography skills definitely did not do justice to the beauty of this day, check out a sneak peak of the great shots her photographer, Jadyn Welch captured here

Amber, you were a GORGEOUS bride.  And Bryan, you are a lucky man!  Can’t wait to see what God has in store for the both of you on this journey!

There have been days at work where I have felt burdened by overwhelming feelings of compassion for patients because of their situations or diagnoses, but today was a first for me.  Today was different.  Today I spent my day in the critical care unit (CCU) with very sick patients.  Each morning I get debriefed on patients in the unit that I need to be aware of as well as assigned my caseload.  A particular patient caught my attention this morning, one that was not assigned to me, but stuck with me nonetheless. This patient was a single mother who had suffered a brain aneurysm while out with her teenage daughter.  No prior indicators that anything was wrong. She was now in the CCU, brain dead,  impending death and her family knew it.  Later in the day, while visiting with my patients/families throughout the unit, I couldn’t help but notice all of the commotion surrounding this patients room.  Several family members, young children, teenagers with their backpacks on having come from school, and siblings of the patient walked from her room to the family room with heavy feet, tearful and visibly heartbroken, physically holding one another.  Immediately I knew, the worst for this family had happened. My heart broke and fell to the bottom of my chest.  I stood at the nurses station, fighting back tears.  No, I had never met this patient.  No, I had never met her family but something hit me, and it hit me hard. Like someone had knocked the wind out of me.  God was doing something in my heart and teaching me something at that very moment.  It was no mistake I was on this unit today, standing there at that very moment.

Friends, life is SHORT.  Living until the ripe age of 95 is not guaranteed.  But DEATH surely is. I am heartbroken for her family, for her children who will have to re-learn life without their precious mom.  Loss is hard. I don’t know what their beliefs were, but I pray that if they don’t already know Jesus, that they would come to know him.

Hospitals represent a place of healing for many, but the reality is that only God can truly heal.  Death happens.  This is what makes Easter so incredible.  We cannot even prevent death yet Jesus DIED and ROSE from the dead. WOW. And to think, He did this purely out of His goodness, grace and love for you and for me.

Friends, if you remember, please pray for me.  Pray that I would have courage to face death and dying with these families.  That God would use me to share His truth with them in words and actions.  To break down those barriers that hinder me.  There is no reason to fear death when we have a personal relationship with our Savior who loves us immeasurably more than we can even fathom.

How sweet is little Charlie?? I just love him.

My hubby is the most handsome and loving man in the world.

I love how beautifully these photos document our family.  When I look at them my heart overflows with love and thanks for how God has blessed me.  A HUGE thank you to the wonderful Stephanie Fay for being one of those blessings by taking these photos and sharing them with us!

• Been reminded that it is God who does all things in and through me.  I am nothing without Him.
• Chased a gerbil around a wheelchair bound patients room so he didn’t escape.
• Been offered to have my car babysat by a man in the Tenderloin in exchange for a beer.
• Been in the most beautiful homes in SF that I never even knew existed.
• Been in some of the worst living environments that I knew existed but never entered until now.
• Met the sweetest and kindest elderly people.
• Learned to love my GPS system.
• Paid far too much for parking in SF. (Seriously. the Tenderloin charges you $.25 for 5 minutes. YES, 5 MINUTES)
• Had enough change to pay for parking or found parking spots that were free when I had no change.
• Had the opportunity to listen and support individuals in some of their most vulnerable states.

It has been fun to look back on the past week as I have officially started conducting my own home visits.  While I have listed some fun moments, oh the joys of social work, the first entry on my list is by far the most important.

I am learning to love my new job, which has been quite the change.  Social work was never easy but my new position has given me a run for my money.  It has been hard to shift gears after almost 2 years of comfort, if you will, working at the group homes. I felt confident in myself because I knew what I was doing, at least I thought I did.

Now, more days than not, I wake up wondering, “God, how am I going to do this today?  I don’t know enough.  What if I don’t have the resources or knowledge that I need?”  To date, He hasn’t let me down and deep down, I know that He never will because He is good. I may struggle but it is He who will rescue me and NOBODY else.  Not even myself, despite my hardest efforts.

It is in those moments where I truly let go and let God, that He surprises me. It has come in the form of returned phone calls at just the right moments, parking spots right where I need them, gracious people that He has put in front of me, and so much more that I am not even aware of.  I thank God for those moments and the grace that He continues to give to me.  I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I pray that God would continue to break my heart for the things that I see and that God would give me the wisdom, passion, and resources to confront them.  That He would continue to fill my heart with compassion. Finally, and most importantly, that I would wake up each morning and trust that God is going to meet my needs in His good and perfect timing.

“At the end of time, billions of people were scattered on a great plain before God’s throne.

Most shrank back from the brilliant light before them.  But some groups near the front talked heatedly- not with cringing shame, but with belligerence.

‘Can God judge us?  How can he know about suffering?’ snapped a pert young brunette.  She ripped open a sleeve to reveal a tattooed number from a Nazi concentration camp.  ’We endured terror… beatings… torture… death!’

In another group a Negro boy lowered his collar.  ’What about this?’ he demanded, showing an ugly rope burn.  ’Lynched… for no crime but being black!’

In another crowd, a pregnant schoolgirl with sullen eyes.  ’Why should I suffer’ she murmured, ‘It wasn’t my fault.’

Far out across the plain there were hundreds of such groups.  Each had a complaint against God for the evil and suffering he permitted in this world.  How lucky God was to live in heaven where all was sweetness and light, where there was no weeping or fear, no hunger or hatred.  What did God know of all that man had been forced to endure in this world?  For God leads a pretty sheltered life, they said.

So each of these groups sent forth their leader, chosen because he had suffered the most.  A Jew, a Negro, a person from Hiroshima, a horribly deformed arthritic, a thalidomide child.  In the centre of the plain they consulted with each other.  At last they were ready to present their case.  It was rather clever.

Before God could be qualified to be their judge, he must endure what they had endured.  Their decision was that God should be sentenced to live on earth- as a man!

‘Let him be born a Jew.  Let the legitimacy of his birth be doubted.  Give him a work so difficult that even his family will think him out of his mind when he tries to do it.  Let him be betrayed by his closest friends.  Let him face false charges, be tried by a prejudiced jury and convicted by a cowardly judge.  Let him be tortured.

‘At the last, let him see what it means to be terribly alone.  Then let him die.   Let him die so that there can be no doubt that he died.  Let there be a great host of witnesses to verify it.’

As each leader announced his portion of the sentence, loud murmurs of approval went up from the throng of people assembled.

And when the last had finished pronouncing sentence, there was a long silence.  No-one muttered another word.  No-one moved.  For suddenly all knew that Gold had already served his sentence.”

Jesus didn’t die on the cross so that He could have “street cred.”  He died because He LOVES me and because He LOVES you.  He died so that we, you and I, can have LIFE. Not just life  here on this earth, but ETERNAL life, with Him in a place where there is no sin, no pain and no suffering.  Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it?  I am challenged and convicted that I can so easily forget the price that Jesus paid on my behalf.  Dang.  His goodness is truly overwhelming.  I pray that I wouldn’t be convicted of the true meaning of the cross once a year but rather on a daily basis.  I pray that I would always remember that apart from Him I am nothing.

Oh to see my name, written in Your wounds,

For through your suffering, I am free.

Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live.

Won through Your selfless love.

This the power of the cross

Son of God, slain for us

What a life, what a cost.

I stand forgiven at the cross.

]]> http://sweetoffering.wordpress.com/2010/04/03/the-long-silence/feed/ 0 asherluv http://sweetoffering.wordpress.com/2010/03/28/charlie-the-dog-model/ http://sweetoffering.wordpress.com/2010/03/28/charlie-the-dog-model/#comments Mon, 29 Mar 2010 03:44:20 +0000 asherluv http://sweetoffering.wordpress.com/?p=103 ]]> About a month ago I found out that the lovely and very talented Stephanie Fay was coming to San Francisco in March. I have been following her photography blog since I saw her photographs on a friends facebook page. Her work is AMAZING. I couldn’t have been more thrilled that she would be in the area because she is based in Arizona.  Not only was she going to be in the area BUT she was also giving away a free portrait session to a local couple. Being the optimist that I am, Kevin and I entered the contest hoping that we would win and we managed to do just that.

In planning with Stephanie, she suggested that Kevin and I bring our sweet dog Charlie with us.  At first I was hesitant because I wasn’t so sure how he was going to handle himself in such a big and busy city.   After lots of thinking and some reassuring from Stephanie, we decided to bring him.

We headed up to San Francisco on Saturday with Charlie in tow and let me tell you, it was the most beautiful day in San Francisco!   The temperature was not too hot, not too cold and there was not a cloud in sight.  Stephanie and her husband, Stephan picked a few different locations for us to shoot at.  Charlie was on his best doggie behavior and Stephanie and Stephan were THE nicest.  It turns out that they themselves are dog lovers too.  They were so easy to work with, so kind, and SO patient with Charlie.

I am so glad that we brought Charlie with us as we now have our first “family portrait” with him.  He also had a blast as the different locations they chose had plenty of fun things for him to explore.  I’m excited to see how the rest of the pictures turn out!  The picture you see above is the sneak peak that she posted on her blog.  Look at Charlie Striking a fierce pose.  Tyra would be proud.

This recipe came from the “Best of Country Cookies” book that my sweet Nana gave to me last year and I LOVE it.  I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do!

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Iona Hamilton, Rocky Ford, Colorado

• 1 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 package (3.4 ounces) instant vanilla pudding mix*
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 cups (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup finely chopped walnuts (if you want)

In a mixing bowl, cream butter, sugars and pudding mix.  Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.  Beat in vanilla. Combine flour and baking soda; gradually add to the creamed mixture.  Stir in chocolate chips and walnuts (dough will be stiff).  Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 2 in. apart onto ungreased baking sheets.  Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned.  Remove to wire racks to cool. Yield: 9 1/2 dozen.  *Editors note: One 3.9 ounce package of instant chocolate pudding mix may be substituted for the vanilla pudding mix.

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I will leave you with a little conversation I had with my Nana today.  Keep in mind that she has FINALLY come home after being in the hospital for almost the past 2 months.  She is still doing some rehab work to regain mobility in her left side.  But boy, one thing is for sure, her sense of humor is back in full force!  To preface this story, my Nana’s left arm has been OUT OF CONTROL, literally.  Since her stroke, she can’t seem to gain full control of that silly arm.  In case you are wondering, she thinks her left arm is crazy too.  It has been the topic of many conversations over the past couple months within my family.  As much as her current situation is difficult,  she has been able to laugh about the little things that she does or doesn’t do, like in this case….

Nana: (Innocently) “I think that bruise on my nose must be gone by now.”

Me: (Awkwardly) “No… it actually is still there.  What happened anyways?”

Nana: “Oh goodness.  Well, the other night I was lying in bed and my left arm hit me right in the face!” Statement followed by her sweet laughter.

Me: “Oh dear.”

Note to self: Stay on Nana’s right side until she has fully regained control of that crazy left arm of hers.

1. Conversations about age… Mind you, he has asked this multiple times over the course of the last 2 years that he has started talking more, but this by far was my favorite.

Tanner: “How old are you?”

Me: “How old do you think I am?”

Tanner: “18!”

Me: “up a little bit”

Tanner: “25!”

Logan: “24!”

Me: “Yep! I’m 24″

Tanner: “Wow, you’re older than my Dad!”

Me: “Oh really?  How old is your Dad?”

Tanner: “21.”

Me: “Oh, of course! How does that make your mom?

Tanner: “18.”

2.  Tanner insisting on wearing his Burger King Crown to bed. Love it.  Only the best for King Tanner.

3. When Tanner takes a break from playing a game just to give me a hug, which he does with all his might… boy’s got some strength!

4 . Tanner letting me know that it’s ok for me carry him until he’s 6 years old. (He’s 4 right now).

And my favorite thing of all is hearing Tanner say, “I lub you Ashuwee.”  What a gift it is to get to spend time with these 2 boys, I am thankful that God placed them in my life.   I am thankful for subtle reminders of God’s goodness just when I need them the most.

I’m excited to see what doors if any God is opening for me in the upcoming week.  Keep me in your prayers!

I will leave you with a picture of Kevin and me with my favorite little guys

Photo by: Debra Zeller